You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
