This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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