i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
