i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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