Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
