Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
