I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
