So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
