i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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