sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
