Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize