I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
third nipple confirmed
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
