I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
