"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
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he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
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As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.