Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.