yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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