Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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