Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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