I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
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he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
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All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared