So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
