Yo dont text me then not text me
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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