He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
