So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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