I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
