That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
