Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
