Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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