Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
