what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
