don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
