so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
