exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
