My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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