That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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