Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
