have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
