sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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