i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
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I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
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You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.