After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
