It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
