I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Randomize
