Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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