she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Randomize
