i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
