I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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