When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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