Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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