Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
