If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
