Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
