I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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