is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
