Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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