thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
