I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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