Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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