Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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