Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
