you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
