I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
