I cannot find my penis.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
