There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
