they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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