Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
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I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
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I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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