i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The power of my boobs compel you
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
