): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
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I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
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He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
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