Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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