this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
