I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
