his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
