Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
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I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
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Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
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