Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
