I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
