Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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