it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Someone came in the potted fern
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize