allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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