He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
