I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
