2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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