He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Randomize
