Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
