oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
