I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
