I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
