I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
