You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
