im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Less talking, more tequila
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
BRING THE BAGELS
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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