omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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