I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
