no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
