so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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