feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
